Mashed Hopes & Shady Gravy #flashfiction

“Here’s a seat for you Gran! I went ahead and fixed your plate too.”

“Boy, what the hell? You know damn well I can’t eat that much! I guess you forgot everyone ain’t tryin’ to maintain their whale figure, unlike you! Take it back! Better yet, scrape off the excess on ya plate. We know you’ll be goin’ back for thirds, that’ll save ya a trip!”

“…okay Gran, sorry, sorry – ”

“Don’t apologize to me, apologize to that poor heart of yours for all the stress ya put on it!”

“Hi Gran, good to see you again! How’ve you been?”

“Girl, please, we both know you’re just waitin’ for me to be maggot food so you can get ahold of my will, see if you made out or not. Spoiler alert: I’m not leavin’ your fake ass a penny! Keep lettin’ my manatee of a grandson break your back and the bed every night if you want, but you won’t get nothin’ out of it but his lard filled sperm!”

“Oh, Gran! C’mon now, you know I love Danny! You haven’t noticed he’s dropped a few pounds since we saw you last? He’s on a new diet.”

“What diet is that? The eat-all-you-can-see diet? That boy looks heavier than last year! Walkin’ around here like a damn sumo wrestler! Girl, you better get a new eyeglass prescription, or I may think love actually is blind.”

“Gran, come on now! He’s trying!”

“Like hell he is! Why don’t you tell him your secret? You’ve been shaped like a praying mantis since the day I met ya! No ass, no curves. Surprised the boy’s sperm hasn’t blown you to pieces yet!”

“Gran, please, I’m naturally slim. It runs on both sides of my family.”

“Which side is that? The side that smokes meth or the side that shoots up smack?”

“GRAN!”

“What? Didn’t know I knew ya came from a line of junkies? Don’t be ashamed, at least you kicked the habit, didn’t ya?”

“…yes, but…”

“But you can’t leave coke alone, I know, I can tell by the snow stain by your mouth! Damn Priscilla, at least try to hide it! Damn junkies, always thinkin’ no one knows but everyone knows! That’s why I’m not leavin’ your trash ass a dime! You’ll blow it all on blow!”

“Gran, please, that’s enough. Priscilla –”

“Boy, don’t tell me when it’s enough! It’ll be enough when I can rest in fuckin’ peace, away from your bloated ass and her skinny crack ass. Pass the damn gravy!”

3 thoughts on “Mashed Hopes & Shady Gravy #flashfiction

  1. Dang. Granny don’t ramp. Surprisingly (to us both, I believe), this story made me think of something, that should be obvious, for the very first time in my life; women really must have unusually strong backbones….to take the weight. In the future I will offer her the top bunk more often. You beauty.

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